


The Great Group Chat of 2016

by something_soft_and_soaked_in_pain



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Group Chat Fic, I just want my gay children to be happy, M/M, Multi, also Dolokhov's name is Fedya???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-16 18:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7280227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/something_soft_and_soaked_in_pain/pseuds/something_soft_and_soaked_in_pain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is a group chat fic with characters from the Great Comet of 1812</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> usernames:  
> forgotten: Sonya  
> youngestandbitterest: Natasha  
> fakeandahoe: Helene  
> fightingandcrying: Dolokhov  
> softfuckboy: Anatole  
> goodnpure: Mary  
> maryad: Marya

maryad has added: forgotten and youngestandbitterest to the chat

maryad: does anyone want to hear some tea

forgotten: is the tea good?

youngestandbitterest: who's it about?

maryad: helene

forgotten: spill the tea marya

maryad: helene is dating pierre and also messing around with dolokhov on the side

youngestandbitterest: marya why are you always in helene's business

forgotten: dark universe show us helene not being fake as fuck

maryad: exCUSE you I am not fake

forgotten has added fakeandahoe to the chat

fakeandahoe: hello naughty children

forgotten: helene isn't marya fake as fuck

fakeandahoe: I don't wanna be rude but yeah

maryad: I AM NOT FAKE

fakeandahoe: you literally told natasha I was 'a woman one should stay far away from' when she first got here

youngestandbitterest: yeah you did

fakeandahoe has added goodnpure, fightingandcrying, and softfuckboy to the chat

fakeandahoe: dolokhov what the fuck is up with your username

fightingandcrying: i'm a soft man, helene

softfuckboy: the softest and the hottest in the group chat

fightingandcrying: ;)

softfuckboy: ;))

fightingandcrying: ;)))))

softfuckboy: ;))))))))))))

fakeandahoe: anatole can you keep it in your pants for one second

forgotten: anatole has been quoted as saying: "just as a duck is made to swim in water, God has me as I am." of course he can't

softfuckboy: when did I say that?

forgotten: Kuragin, Anatole. 15 June 2016.

fakeandahoe: D R A G G E D

fightingandcrying: i love you anatole, but do you need some aloe for that burn

softfuckboy: she didn't drag me I am undraggable

goodnpure: sonya drags you every two days, anatole, what do you mean

fakeandahoe: do y'all remember when natasha dragged mary in front of her dad for being mean

softfuckboy: y'all

fakeandahoe: anatole you shut your fuck

forgotten: no cursing there is a youngin in this chat

youngestandbitterest: I'M NOT THAT YOUNG SONYA

forgotten: Natasha. my guy. my pal. my dude. yes you are.

youngestandbitterest has changed the subject to: Sofia Alexandrovna Rostova Hate Squad

forgotten: does anyone remember that time where natasha cried in the bathroom because Anatole tried to kiss her

softfuckboy: 

gtgtgtgtgtgtgtg

  
youngestandbitterest: this is homophobic

forgotten: nat, you're pan and poly and I'm gay how does that work

youngestandbitterest: don't try to best me with logic you heathen

youngestandbitterest: ANYWAY I remember that roast, I was young and ignorant then

goodnpure: I do too but natasha and I are besties now

youngestandbitterest: <3

goodnpure: <3

forgotten: gay

maryad: have you forgotten that no one in this chat is straight, sonya

forgotten: it's a metaphorical gay not a literal gay

fakeandahoe: can we get back to calling out marya for being fake

maryad: if I am fake I am only like 20% fake

fightingandcrying: more like 45%

maryad: source?????

forgotten has uploaded 23 files x

youngestandbitterest: marya you were literally just talking shit about helene before sonya added her in

fakeandahoe: ooh what was it about

forgotten: marya said you were dating anatole and pierre at the same time

fakeandahoe:

you just played yourself marya

  
maryad: ?????

softfuckboy: i'm dating dolokhov and pierre I don't know where you got that from

youngestandbitterest: A TWIST

goodnpure: nat, you knew they were dating

youngestandbitterest: it's still a twist to marya

fakeandahoe: leave her alone she's too good for this

goodnpure: true

forgotten: wouldn't it be hilarious if marya didn't know you and helene were dating

goodnpure: they're also dating me

maryad: WHAT


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> forgotten: Sonya  
> youngestandbitterest: Natasha  
> fakeandahoe: Helene  
> fightingandcrying: Dolokhov  
> softfuckboy: Anatole  
> goodnpure: Mary  
> maryad: Marya  
> bewilderedandawkward: Pierre  
> vodkaaunt/balag: Balaga

forgotten: MARYA FUCKING FAINTED I'M CRYINF

goodnpure: yikes I thought she knew 

fakeandahoe: marya is both oblivious and all knowing at the same time 

youngestandbitterest: tru

fightingandcrying: is it okay if I add balaga? he said he has some 'motherfuckin wonderful news' 

forgotten: balaga is the best add him 

fightingandcrying has added vodkaaunt to the chat 

vodkaaunt: GUESS WHO FINALLY GOT THEIR LICENSE BITCHES 

fightingandcrying: congrats balag!!!! 

forgotten: balag 

forgotten: sonya pls I made a typo

forgotten: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ raise your b a la g 

vodkaaunt has changed their username to balag 

fightingandcrying: STOP

forgotten: congrats on your license though balaga

balag: thanks sonya 

youngestandbitterest: is marya okay? 

forgotten: yeah I threw a blanket over her and left a small assortment of apple slices next to her she should be fine while I go out

fakeandahoe: tag yourself I'm the apple slices 

softfuckboy: I'm sonya leaving marya on the floor 

balag: sonya do you want to go drag racing with me 

forgotten: YELL HEAH BALAG

youngestandbitterest: SONYA NO 

forgotten: SONYA YES

softfuckboy: HELENE WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THAT MARY AND NATASHA WERE IN YOUR ROOM I AM TRAUMATIZED 

fakeandahoe: you never asked

forgotten: ?¿?¿?¿?¿?

goodnpure: anatole was giving a full broadway performance of burn and suddenly burst into helene's room 

fakeandahoe: you forgot to mention he was in an ugly ass dress

softfuckboy: excuse you helene my dress is beautiful 

fakeandahoe: you ran because you knew it was ugly as shit 

softfuckboy: YOU COME IN TO MY HOUSE AND INSULT ME ON THIS DAY OF DOLOKOV AND I'S WEDDING 

fakeandahoe: I did what are you gonna do about it foot fucker 

fightingandcrying: AJSDFGHDKDHGEGB

softfuckboy: I DO NOT HAVE A FOOT FETISH 

fakeandahoe has added bewilderedandawkward to the chat 

fakeandahoe: pierre, dosen't anatole have a foot fetish 

bewilderedandawkward: I'm staying neutral on this

fakeandahoe: fine, then can you admit that anatole's dress is ugly as fuck

bewilderedandawkward: I love his dresses they're so pretty 

softfuckboy: at least SOMEONE in this gc has taste 

bewilderedandawkward: <3 

softfuckboy: <3 

youngestandbitterest: helene apologize to your brother he worked very hard on making that dress 

fakeandahoe: and if I don't? 

youngestandbitterest: no kisses for you 

fakeandahoe: whatever I have a side chick

goodnpure: am I the side chick? 

fakeandahoe: yes mary you are the side chick 

goodnpure: that's mean I'm at least front chick material 

fakeandahoe: did you just… 

youngestandbitterest: helene how can you have a side chick when you're a side chick

forgotten: gtgtgtgtgtgtgtg 

softfuckboy: dolokhov can I be your front chick? 

fightingandcrying: yes ofc <3 

softfuckboy: <3

maryad: I just woke up in the middle of the floor with apple slices covering my face? 

forgotten: you're welcome marya <3

maryad: sonya please find our lord and savior Jesus Christ 

softfuckboy: tbh our lord and savior is Guy Fieri 

bewilderedandawkward: why did you say that unironically

softfuckboy: I love guy fieri 

fakeandahoe: anatole this is why you're not my favorite brother 

softfuckboy: I'M YOUR ONLY BROTHER

youngestandbitterest: stop picking on anatole he just wants to sin in peace

softfuckboy: thank you nat <3 

youngestandbitterest: <3 

fakeandahoe: natasha why hath you abandoned me

youngestandbitterest: because you're mean to our resident sinner, anatole

softfuckboy: I don't sin that much

forgotten: 'that much' 

maryad: you sin every 6.5 seconds 

softfuckboy: keep talking shit marya and I'm gonna fuck up your edges next time you ask me to do your hair 

maryad: anatole pls 

balag: does anyone want to know how fast I can go from my house to starbucks 

softfuckboy: yes

fightingandcrying: yes

goodnpure: no

maryad: no

bewilderedandawkward: no

fakeandahoe: yes

forgotten: yes

youngestandbitterest: no

balag: it looks like the yes' have it it takes me 8 minutes 

youngestandbitterest: isn't the starbucks  
15 miles away 

balag: I never said it wasn't 

softfuckboy: I'm scared yet turned on 

forgotten: when aren't you 

softfuckboy: whenever I'm in school tbh

balag: does anyone want starbucks? 

softfuckboy: yes 

forgotten: yes

fakeandahoe: yes 

goodnpure: yes 

fightingandcrying: yes

youngestandbitterest: yes

bewilderedandawkward: yes 

maryad: yes 

balag: i got y'all 

forgotten: thanks balag

fightingandcrying: LET IT GO SONYA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your nice comments I appreciate very much!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meme Discourse, Blood on the Dance Floor, and Middle School Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> forgotten: Sonya  
> youngestandbitterest: Natasha  
> fakeandahoe: Helene  
> fightingandcrying: Dolokhov  
> softfuckboy: Anatole  
> goodnpure: Mary  
> maryad: Marya  
> bewilderedandawkward: Pierre  
> balag: Balaga

forgotten: does everyone remember that one time in middle school when mary had a crush on natasha and didn't know how to tell her so she wrote her a note saying 'get out of my school'? 

goodnpure has left the chat 

youngestandbitterest: SONYA WHY 

youngestandbitterest has added goodnpure to the chat 

forgotten: I JUST THOUGHT OF IT AND I STARTED CRYING LAUGHING 

fightingandcrying: can we all just collectively forget about middle school 

 

forgotten: DO Y'ALL REMEMBER WHEN ANATOLE WHEN THROUGH HIS ANIME PHASE

softfuckboy: do y'all remember a time when sonya minded her gosh darn business

maryad: remember when helene was a mean girl in middle school

fakeandahoe: middle school was a time™

fightingandcrying: remember pierre's emo phase? 

bewilderedandawkward: I never grew out of my emo phase to be completely honest 

youngestandbitterest: Marya's 'I'm not emo I'm scene' phase was truly one for the history books 

maryad: I fully recognize that part of my life as a mistake and have moved on to become a better person 

youngestandbitterest: 'blood on the dance floor is the better than my chemical romance' 

fakeandahoe: 'this isn't a phase, it's how I feel' 

softfuckboy: 'I want to marry Dahvie Vanity' 

bewilderedandawkward: Dahvie Vanity is the epitome of 'it's not a phase mom' 

forgotten: what if he's trapped and can't take it back 

balag: for just $10 a day you can help this poor emo soul transition into proper adulthood 

goodnpure: sonya is talking about everyone like she wasn't one of those weird 'rawr means I love you in dinosaur kids'   
forgotten has left the chat 

goodnpure has added forgotten to the chat

goodnpure: IF I GO DOWN IM TAKING YOU WITH ME SONYA 

forgotten: I was a flawed person then, and I have fully dedicated my life to our Lord and Savior, Harambe

youngestandbitterest: THE HARAMBE MEME WASN'T EVEN FUNNY TO BEGIN WITH

forgotten: SHUT UP NATASHA YOU THINK DAMN DANIEL IS STILL FUNNY

youngestandbitterest: DAMN DANIEL IS FUNNIER THAN HARAMBE 

forgotten: says the weird horse girl 

youngestandbitterest: listen,…

softfuckboy: I forgot that Natasha was that weird horse girl 

youngestandbitterest: why hasn't anyone called our dolokhov or balaga yet why does it always have to be me 

fakeandahoe: technically it's always Anatole that gets called out

fightingandcrying: since you asked I'll call myself out just for you nat <3

youngestandbitterest: <3 

 

fightingandcrying: I was that weird punk kid with a half a foot tall mohawk, I was really pretentious and only listened to Joy Division 

softfuckboy: dolokhov wtf

fightingandcrying: I am a soft grunge boy now 

balag: I was that one kid who was always fighting with their on again off again bf 

forgotten: yikes I remember that 

softfuckboy: what was his name? Troy or Kai or? 

balag: troy, he took the best years of my life 

forgotten: balaga you're 16 

balag: sonya shhhhh let me be dramatic for just a moment 

maryad: you're all weird 

forgotten: 'Dahvie Vanity is such an under appreciated artist' 

maryad has left the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter!!! I still haven't decided if I'm going to continue with this or not but I hope you enjoy it


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming Week, The Cis™, and professional roast session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  usernames:  
> forgotten: Sonya  
> youngestandbitterest: Natasha  
> fakeandahoe: Helene  
> fightingandcrying: Dolokhov  
> softfuckboy: Anatole  
> goodnpure: Mary  
> maryad: Marya  
> bewilderedandawkward: Pierre  
> balag: Balaga

softfuckboy: GUESS!!!! WHO'S!!!! GETTING!!! THEIR!!!! FIRST!!! SHOT!!!! OF!!!!T!!!!!! TODAY!!!!!

 

forgotten: HOLY HECK CONGRATS ANATOLE

 

balag: CONGRATS

 

bewilderedandawkward: congrats my wonderful handsome bf!!!!!

 

youngestandbitterest: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU ANATOLE

 

fightingandcrying: aaaah!!!!! happy T day!!!!! my bf!!!

 

fakeandahoe: i'm so proud of my baby brother!!! the smollest most adorable boy!!!

 

goodnpure: CONGRATS AN

 

softfuckboy: i'm gonna get shot up with man!!!!! gonna be so strong!!! and my voice is gonna be deep af!!!!

 

fakeandahoe: "shot up with man"

 

softfuckboy: i'm not gonna acknowledge that because I am happy and nothing can bring me down

 

goodnpure: the cis™ are back at it again

 

fightingandcrying: what'd your dad do now

 

goodnpure: he was misgendering me and just generally being a fuck

 

youngestandbitterest: i!!! will!!! fight!!!

 

fakeandahoe: fuck him!!! honestly!!!!!

 

goodnpure: sorry anatole I didn't mean to bring down your moment

 

softfuckboy: it's okay mary your wellbeing comes first

 

goodnpure: thanks anatole <3

 

softfuckboy: <3

 

softfuckboy: i got my T shot!!! the nurse was rly nice and gave me like ten stickers

 

fightingandcrying: my brave bf!!

 

forgotten: y'all what group costume should we do for homecoming week

 

fakeandahoe: "y'all"

 

forgotten: y'all is a gender neutral term

therefore I use it

 

fakeandahoe: you sound like a southern white mom

 

forgotten: and you sound like a remixed version of the Chipettes, but do I point that out? no i don't

 

softfuckboy: FUCK SONYA

 

youngestandbitterest: I think it's time for: Roast Olympics Volume IV

 

youngestandbitterest: mary, dolokhov, marya, and I will be the judges and occasionally comment

 

maryad: why can't I roast

 

youngestandbitterest: because last time you roasted Anatole so hard he started crying and didn't stop for three days

 

maryad: fine

 

youngestandbitterest: you may begin

 

fakeandahoe: I may sound like a remixed version of the Chipettes but I know you aren't talking Sonya with your Rita Malone looking ass

 

maryad: YOINKS 

￼

softfuckboy: she got you Sonya

 

forgotten: Anatole you can't talk when you look like a cross between Jonathan Groff and spongebob

 

softfuckboy: GJEHEYDHEHEH

 

maryad: Anatole is eliminated. The remaining roasters are: Helene, Sonya, Pierre, and Balaga.

 

balag: i'm coming for you Sonya

 

forgotten: do your worst car fucker

 

balag: i fully admit that I'm a mechanophile, but when are you gonna admit that you're a secret furry?

 

forgotten: I'M NOT A FURRY

 

balag: so i just imagined that your fursona was a sea lion?

 

goodnpure: GTGTGTGTGTG 

￼

fightingandcrying: Sonya is eliminated. The remaining roasters are: Pierre, Balaga, and Helene.

 

fakeandahoe: you ready pierre?

 

bewilderedandawkward: pls don't

 

fakeandahoe: fine I'll go after balag

 

fightingandcrying: SHUT UP HELENE

 

balag: continue pls

 

fakeandahoe: balaga, I could go after your love life, but let's be real the only person you've had a meaningful relationship with was your car.

 

youngestandbitterest:

￼

balag: I just think it's funny how you say i'd fuck my car when I'm responsible for your entire relationship shall I recount the story?

 

goodnpure:FVCK 

￼

fakeandahoe: DO NOT, I CONCEDE

 

goodnpure: Helene is eliminated. The last two roasters are: Pierre and Balaga.

 

balag: ready now, pierre?

 

bewilderedandawkward: yes

 

balag: you look like a older paul hollywood, you never left your emo phase, you have 6 existential crises every 10 minutes, you're always thirsting over anatole and dolokhov, you're always drinking, and you think harambe is still funny

 

softfuckboy: HARAMBE IS HILARIOUS

 

bewilderedandawkward: anatole hush I got this

 

bewilderedandawkward: I may drink too much and have never left my emo phase, but I'm not the one who has the looks of a knockoff troy Bolton

 

softfuckboy: SHIT

 

bewilderedandawkward: i'm not done

 

bewilderedandawkward: you're obsessed with fucking cars, you have the temperament of a middle aged white mom, you have 3 speeding tickets and you've had your license for 2 days, AND you're faker than marya.

 

youngestandbitterest: The winner of Roast Olympics Volume IV is Pierre.

 

balag: [jordan](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwii4fDL25bPAhXM5yYKHUzaDhAQjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.npr.org%2Fsections%2Fthetwo-way%2F2016%2F03%2F31%2F472330783%2Fthe-evolution-of-the-michael-jordan-crying-face-meme&bvm=bv.133178914,d.amc&psig=AFQjCNGKA4O91ptmOj-SDEQV8TmJNwYXzw&ust=1474212473537131)  


 

balag: no hard feelings right Pierre?

 

bewilderedandawkward: yeah we're good

 

forgotten: can we get back to homecoming?

 

youngestandbitterest: sure

 

fightingandcrying: i vote we do Mario kart

fakeandahoe: that one is overused, power rangers?

 

softfuckboy: minions?

 

fakeandahoe has kicked softfuckboy

out of the chat

 

youngestandbitterest: HELENE WHY

 

fakeandahoe: THAT FOOT FUCKER KNOWS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THOSE DISGUSTING YELLOW EARPLUGS

 

fightingandcrying has added

softfuckboy to the chat

 

softfuckboy: minions are adorable helene

 

fakeandahoe: the minions stroke game must be A-1

 

softfuckboy: ?????

 

fightingandcrying: they're implying you're fucking minions, an

 

softfuckboy: oh

 

softfuckboy: fuck you

 

fakeandahoe:natasha and mary do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

softfuckboy has left the chat

 

fightingandcrying has added

softfuckboy to the chat

 

fightingandcrying: you're traumatizing my BF Helene

 

fakeandahoe: i'm his sibling I can do that

 

forgotten: we could do superheroes for homecoming??

 

maryad: I like it

 

softfuckboy: I call aquaman

 

fightingandcrying: I want superman

 

fakeandahoe: i'll be Wonder Woman

 

goodnpure: i'll be squirrel girl

 

youngestandbitterest: i'll be ms. marvel

 

bewilderedandawkward: i'll be robin

 

maryad: i'll be storm

 

balag: i'll be batman

 

forgotten: i'll be jean grey

 

forgotten: start planning your costumes gays, peace out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments inspire me to write more  
> come bug me to update at etherealtransboy on tumblr


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> revelation, drunkness, usual brand of foolery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> forgotten: Sonya  
> youngestandbitterest: Natasha  
> fakeandahoe: Helene  
> fightingandcrying: Dolokhov  
> softfuckboy: Anatole  
> goodnpure: Mary  
> maryad: Marya  
> bewilderedandawkward: Pierre  
> balag: Balaga
> 
> this chapter contains mentions of alcohol, stay safe if that kind of thing triggers you!

maryad: i think we can all safely say that that was a, how can I put this, complete and utter disaster

forgotten: listen,, this isn't anyone's fault especially not mine

youngestandbitterest: sonya, this is like 25% your fault

forgotten: 25% is not 100% so therefore it's not completely my fault

fakeandahoe: 25% are my chances of my future survival tbh

goodnpure: same

balag: same

softfuckboy: THIS IS NO TIME FOR SELF DEPRECIATION I HAVE TWO DRUNK BOYFRIENDS WHO KEEP TRYING TO FIGHT EACH OTHER

forgotten: i aspire to be like dolokhov, willing to die just to fuck up your day

youngestandbitterest: an, didn't dolokhov get stabbed? or something??

softfuckboy: only mildly, that's not important right nOW PIERRE IS ON THE FUCKING ROOF

forgotten: damn anatole go get your boy

balag: sonya just sent me a snapchat of pierre on the roof captioned "who's man's is this"

softfuckboy: SONYA PLEASE

bewilderedandawkward: i'm okay, an

softfuckboy: PIERRE PLEASE

bewilderedandawkward: shhh, i'm having an existential crisis on the roof

forgotten: how can you type so perfectly when drunk

bewilderedandawkward: mildly stabbing one of your boyfriends does tend to sober you up

fakeandahoe: pierre, existential crises aside, please get off the roof you're gonna scare my brother into having a heart attack and it'll be a huge burden to drive him to the hospital

softfuckboy: LET ME BE DRAMATIC AND WORRIED ABOUT MY BF HELENE, I DON'T CALL YOU A BURDEN WHEN YOU MONOLOGUE ABOUT MARY AND NATASHA

fakeandahoe: firstly, i don't monologue, i perform only in the finest silk and regarding my feelings toward mary and natasha, ils relèvent du coeur que tu es trop jeune pour comprendre

softfuckboy: first, i'm like 10 minutes younger than you and you can't even pronounce charmante correctly, secondly, we all know you learned French for the aesthetic of it all you fake

fakeandahoe: i live purely for the aesthetic, an

bewilderedandawkward: is dolokhov alright?

softfuckboy: he's resting, just please never encourage him to drink like that again

bewilderedandawkward: helene's the one who kept yelling 'shots shots shots shots'

youngestandbitterest: pierre, my girlfriend is great many things but being good at giving advice is not one of them

bewilderedandawkward: that is true

fakeandahoe: i, can't even disagree with that tbh

maryad: go to sleep, children it's like 3 am

fakeandahoe: night, marya!!

maryad: not you, helene, you're not my kid

fakeandahoe: RUDE AS HELL

* * *

 

fightingandcrying: who stabbed me

bewilderedandawkward: i did, my bad

fightingandcrying: i,,, am way too hungover to deal with this right now i'm going back to sleep

fightingandcrying: now that it is a little more morning, what the _fuck_ you guys

softfuckboy: morning dolokhov!

fightingandcrying: why'd you let pierre stab me

softfuckboy: i was preoccupied

bewilderedandawkward: this dosent excuse anything, but i was very drunk

fightingandcrying: did you at least stab me in a way so I'll have a cool scar

forgotten: it was just kind of a general forward motion with a pen, after he did it, you just kinda looked at it and shrugged

fightingandcrying: that does sound like me

maryad: if y'all are up to it i'm making breakfast

softfuckboy: hecka yeah!

fakeandahoe: you are a saint, marya

maryad: no, helene, not you

softfuckboy: why are you so mean to my sibling, marya

forgotten: yeah, why? it's not your usual marya brand of bitterness

fakeandahoe: she's probably still angry about how i broke up with her, lmao

balga: WHAT

goodnpure: WHAT

fightingandcrying: WHAT

softfuckboy: WHAT

forgotten: WHAT

youngestandbitterest: WHAT

bewilderedandawkward: you didn't know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one will die on my watch  
> i'm on tumblr @balaga come scream into the void with me  
> i'll try to get another chapter up later today if not tommorow!  
> thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bitterness, angst, and feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> forgotten: Sonya  
> youngestandbitterest: Natasha  
> fakeandahoe: Helene  
> fightingandcrying: Dolokhov  
> softfuckboy: Anatole  
> goodnpure: Mary  
> maryad: Marya  
> bewilderedandawkward: Pierre  
> balag: Balaga  
> this chapter contains mentions of internalized homophobia and forced outing

youngestandbitterest has removed softfuckboy, forgotten, fightingandcrying and balag from the chat

youngestandbitterest: okay, so we're gonna talk this out, _right fucking_ _now_ , okay? anyone can go

maryad: care to go helene? since you started it?

fakeandahoe: i started nothing, you were being mean and i of all people know the difference between you being mean and marya d bitterness

goodnpure: it doesn't matter who started what, what matters is that this gets resolved

youngestandbitterest: like shit, marya, our entire gc was started cause you were talking shit about helene, so _talk_   
  
maryad: fine, but i'm not going first

fakeandahoe: me neither

bewilderedandawkward: so this starts around seventh grade and spans to like sophomore year, buckle up kids

* * *

 

forgotten has added softfuckboy, fightingandcrying and balag to the chat: what in the actual fuck, my guy

forgotten: what in heck was that

fightingandcrying: yikes, that was bad

balag: an, what's up with your sibling?

softfuckboy: yikes, i'm not gonna tell you everything cause helene is super private about their life but just know marya and helene dated and it ended super badly, like   
this is rob kardashian level of drama

forgotten: yiiiiiiiiikes, i hope they work this out

* * *

 

bewilderedandawkward: so do you guys remember way back where there was that month and a half where marya and helene were inseparable and were always at each other's houses and stuff and then they were always pissed and had shouting matches in the hallway?

maryad: you still have my favorite red sweater, helene

fakeandahoe: you still have my necklace, marya

goodnpure: hush you two

youngestandbitterest: go on, pierre

bewilderedandawkward: yeah so during that month and a half, helene and marya were talking and happy until helene started to get feelings for marya

fakeandahoe: i call it The Gay Panic of 2011

bewilderedandawkward: so during the GP of 2011, helene was obviously freaking out about marya so they stopped hanging out with marya and started hanging out with me, which made marya jealous, and then was even more jealous when we started fake dating

fakeandahoe: you were a good beard, pierre

bewilderedandawkward: thanks. anyway after that happened marya started dating michael kirlovich to make helene jealous, anyone want to pick it up from here? i'm tired of typing

fakeandahoe: and then shit went downhill at the valentine's dance we had   
marya and i hadn't talked for like, three weeks, basically forever, but anyway, we went outside and we're basically screaming at each other and i cried and marya cried and then i kissed her and yeah :/

maryad: and then helene ran away and like the next week they broke up with pierre and once more, shit went downhill

fakeandahoe: marya confronted me and i caved and got scared and screamed at her to leave and marya wanted to hurt me so she told everyone in our grade i was gay and that was wild, lmao

maryad: looking back on it, that was really shitty of me to do

fakeandahoe: so, being the conniving petty person i was, i told everyone that if marya wanted to kiss me all she had to do was ask, and then the bisexual slut helene was born, lmao

maryad: and then we didn't talk till sophomore and then we started dating in secret and then helene broke up with me

fakeandahoe: it was rly fucked up what happened though like my mom found out about marya and she did not react well to that and I basically cut off all contact with marya without any explanation and ignored her and was rly shitty hence ''mean girl'" helene  
  
fakeandahoe: internalized homophobia sure is great

goodnpure has removed maryad and bewilderedandawkward

fakeandahoe: ???

youngestandbitterest: you could've told us, helene

fakeandahoe: yeah, but i :) have :) trouble :) externalizing :) my :) feelings :) properly :) due :) to :) neglect

goodnpure: we're not mad, just bummed you didn't feel like you could talk to us about what happened

youngestandbitterest: ^^^

youngestandbitterest: also marya is v mean to you and you just suffer in silence

fakeandahoe: i'm a dramatic at heart, suffering in silence is my trademark

goodnpure: even still, you need to let us know what you're going through, so we can help you out

_fakeandahoe has added forgotten, maryad, bewilderedandawkward, balag, softfuckboy, and fightingandcrying to the chat_

softfuckboy: you okay, helene?

fakeandahoe: i'm never truly good, but I'm getting there with nat and mary's help

forgotten: everything between marya and you is worked out?

fakeandahoe: we're good

maryad: always

bewilderedandawkward: i don't want to ruin this moment, but andrey is back??

youngestandbitterest: YIKES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned out way longer and angstier than I expected??? wow  
> back to the usual fuckery in the next chapter   
> im on tumblr @balaga


End file.
